Vertigo

ver·ti·go  

noun ˈvər-ti-gō:
a : a sensation of motion in which the individual or the individual's surroundings seem to whirl dizzily
b : a dizzy confused state of mind (which sounds like my normal self, so we will cast that aside for the duration of this blog entry!)

This past summer I had a very unsettling instance of vertigo. It happened in the most inconvenient of places: behind the wheel of my car, several miles from home. The world began to spin & nothing would stop it. I was at a loss as to what I should do; no one I knew was close enough to my location to be able to help, so I headed home as best I could, driving like a drunk, sitting up close to the steering wheel & breathing carefully, trying to focus on the middle line which kept slipping away. I pulled over several times, to vomit, beyond caring of the spectacle it made. & I waited, air conditioner blasting on my face, hoping that the spinning would stop. It didn't. Finally arriving home, I careened into the house, bouncing off the walls & furniture, until finally coming in for a landing on my bedroom floor, where I stayed for the next 18 hours, spinning all the while. The floor, because the bed was too high.

The next morning the spinning had slowed enough for me to visit the doctor, who seemed unalarmed & prescribed some seasick medication. In a day or two I was back to normal. 

But I was waiting.  For it to happen again.  I was afraid to drive alone.  Because there had been no reason, no warning.  Who's to say it would not happen again?  My seasick pills rattled around in my purse as a reminder.

So, I tried to put a new spin (ha!) on the situation, to keep me from thinking about why such a thing should happen to me. & so I thought - aren't we ALL spinning, really?  We are on a planet which twirls about, all the time, yet we never feel it.  Maybe my fate is to become a visionary, one of the few who have seen past the veil! Perhaps I will spout poetry to enlighten all civilization -  

I have received a gift; 

imagined stillness revealed to be false.

Calmness a subterfuge

for what lies beneath the glamour

of my usual life. Unknown.

I have seen the spiral,

the way of the planet, out of control;

hoping for the return 

of the hidden reality

of my ordinary life lived.

I have been one chosen-

- Or,
most likely, 
it was just the rocks in my inner ear rolling around, 
somehow knocked out of place.
Like the doctor said.