...may THIS be the day that we draw swords together!

Monday night.  No sports for the boys today - tho the 15 year old is at the gym across the way.  I am happily typing upstairs.  Suddenly the sound of sword-play erupts from downstairs.  This might trouble some people, but I am used to it.  After dinner there will be the sound of gunfire.  All in the normal course of events around here.  You are probably thinking that maybe I shouldn't live on this island if it is so unsafe.  You are probably envisioning wild natives waving beheaded chickens & machetes, followed by drug lords with pimped out cars & M16's.  But no, be at ease.  It is only the Xbox.  Combined with boys.  I imagine these consoles make different noises for the parents of girls.

I held out for many years on the video game front.  While other mothers capitulated around me, I hunkered down & swore I would not buy one of those gaming consoles that would begin the slow yet inescapable decomposition of my innocent childrens brains.

My 15 year old was 11 when he finally saved enough money to buy a used GameCube.   Mario & Luigi became a part of the family.  At about the same time we were sucked into the medieval-ish world of Runescape, an online RPG game.  (& if you don't know what an RPG game is your children must still be under 5 - RPG: Role Playing Game).

I say we, because I jumped off that cliff along with the children.  I happily threw banana peels & bombs in MarioKart.  In Runescape, I created a beautiful girl with seagreen hair, several changes of clothes & a scimitar on her belt.  She can mine for gold, cook anchovy pizza's & even do pottery!  Four years later, she is still out there - I visit her from time to time - she has more clothes now & a new hair color - strawberry blond (It is hard to co-ordinate outfits with seagreen hair.).

Some mothers looked at me oddly when I told them that I would play Runescape.  Surprisingly, it was a little addicting at first, I admit - I would get up in the night, secretly turn on the internet & take my girl to craft some necklaces or learn some magic spells.  & yes, sometimes she was a murdering wench & I allowed her to kill hapless castle guards who would reappear seconds after their death so she could kill them again! 

But playing these games gave me something with my children that I might have lost otherwise.  I remained their confidant.  They would rush to tell me if they had Levelled Up, or survived in the Wilderness, or whether Runescape's Halloween Event was out.  They knew I would understand how long it would take when they said things like, "I'm logging off in just a minute after I finish at the Grand Exchange." They knew I could appreciate the difficulty of things they had achieved, so they were quick to keep me updated with their progress.  As a fellow player, I had their respect - a different kind of respect than I have as their parent.  So, in this way the games did not isolate me from my children - in fact, I believe they kept us closer at a time in their lives when they may have started to drift away into their own little worlds.

Now it's the Xbox, purchased by the two boys together.  The oldest plays Halo, where he belongs to a clan & sits on our couch magisterially issuing commands to other players online.  The youngest plays Skyrim, an RPG game.  He told me the other day that he is now an assassin.  Am I proud - what mother wouldn't be?  Besides, last week he was a vampire, so an assassin must be a step up...

As for me, I play Dragon Age Legends on facebook & am happy to say with all smugness that I am a higher level than either of the boys.  Sometimes they even ask me for advice on strategy!  (OK, not really, just a silly dream I have...)  So, let them draw their swords & launch their plasma rockets - I am sure I will hear all the gory details tomorrow, because they know I care.  :)

Book Club

When we moved to Jamaica, a fellow expat wife (expat: short for 'expatriate' - persons working or living outside their own country) invited me to join her book club. Little did I know that in a few months time she would move away & dump the club in my lap...

Year 2 of my reign:  we have lost our way. The ladies of the club continue to assure me that I am just perfect as 'Ms. President' or 'Madame Chairman'. But I don't know. See what you think:

We sit comfortably at a long table on the patio at the home of Monica. I sit at the head. Or the foot. Depending. Imagine this table full of women, partially obscured by platters of food & cups of coffee & juices.  They are chewing & talking, as ladies do:

Fernanda:  Oh, Monica, this food is fabulous!
Pam:  I agree!  Grace, will you pass one of those quiche?
Grace:  Sure, just let me move this fruit plate. Here you are.
Susan:  What kind of quesadilla's are these, do you know, Caroline?
Caroline:  I sure do - Grace & I spent over AN HOUR shredding the chicken!

I try to be heard above the din - "Ladies! Ladies!" I bang a fork gently on my plate. "It's time to talk about this months book. What did we think about it?" 

Lineke:  No! It took a whole HOUR to shred that chicken?
Grace:  You bet, Lineke, we couldn't believe it.
Monica:  Here Jackie, try one - you, too, Fernanda.

"Our book? Year of Wonders: A Novel of the Plague? Who read it? DID anyone read it?" A few hands shoot up. "Well, could one of you give us a brief summary?"

Richa:  This chicken does look quite well done.  But I'm a vegetarian.
Toni:  Really, these chicken quesadilla's are excellent.  Especially with the guacamole!
Helen:  Well, actually, Caroline & Grace are known thru-out the island for their chicken shredding skills. It's partly why I joined this club. But the book??
Pam:  I, too, am a vegetarian.
Fernanda:  Well, I thought it just sucked.

Pam:  Being vegetarian?
Jackie:  The chicken?
Fernanda:  No, the book.
Helen:  The book sucked?
Fernanda:  No, I meant that it sucked to live back then. I mean, there was the plague & all. & they were hungry, too, weren't they?  Richa, would you pass me that bread?
Richa:  Yes. What sort of bread is that?
Lineke:  Callaloo.
Monica:  No, that's not callaloo, that's zucchini. (as an aside, I notice that both of these vegetables will require spell check, so it doesn't really matter to me which it is).
((It was good bread, tho, whichever.))
Richa:  What is this sauce for?

"OK, they had a plague & they were hungry & that sucked.  Anything else?"

Monica:  It was great at the end when she gets away with the baby & goes to India. It's for the fruit.
Susan:  She goes to India for the fruit?
Helen:  I think it was Morocco.
Fernanda:  No, she goes to save the baby. 
Helen:  The sauce is for the fruit!
Susan:  What baby?
Grace:  These muffins are so moist. Poppy-seed?
Jackie:  Ah, aren't poppy-seeds in some kind of drug?
Helen:  & what about that preacher the girl was so fond of - He turned out to be kind of creepy!
Pam:  Heroin.
Lineke:  The preacher was on heroin?
Fernanda:  No, the heroin is from the poppy-seeds.
Monica:  I think it is opium.
Lineke:  I don't think the preacher was taking any drugs.
Jackie:  Well, you know I am pregnant - maybe I shouldn't eat them.

"Back to the book? Anyone?"

Jackie:  I sure could use some more of that fruit tea, Monica. How do you make it?
Susan:  Could someone pass the non-dairy creamer?
Grace to Toni:  I love book club! Are you enjoying your first meeting?
Caroline:  My hands are still so tired from the chicken! An HOUR, you know!
Helen:  Maybe we should be a cooking club, or a food club, or something like that. I don't think we should really be a book club.

Nine pairs of eyes turn to me, astonished.  "Not a book club?", they gasp.  "But you can see we all LOVE talking about the books! There's no reason to change anything! What are we reading next month, Ms President?"

What I'm Dealing With

I have two children.  They tell me they are not idiots.  My children expect me to just take them at their word.

"Son," I say to the 13 year old.  "This afternoon you are on your own for a couple hours.  While I am gone, I expect you to pick out just ONE of the four tests you have next week to study for.  Since today's Saturday, pick out the subject that you have the test on first."

"OK, mom.  I think I have Business first, on Monday."

"Fine.  Study for that one."

"OK."

So, I leave.  I have done my part.  I have issued the commands.  I have only to go away, do my thing & return to find that what I have asked for has been accomplished.  If you know my kids, you might even be agreeing with me!  'Helen's boys are so wonderful!'  So, off I go - all the world is as it should be.

Two hours later...

"Hi there, son.  Hows your studying going?"  In my purse I have even brought him a little treat, remembering how I always hated studying, myself.

"Well," he says, "I had a problem.  Some people said the Business test is on Monday, but some people said the test is on Friday."

"So - who cares what "some people" say.  Doesn't really matter.  What did the teacher say? (as an aside, please tell me why THE TEACHER is just about the last person any kid will ask when it comes to what homework or tests have been assigned in a particular class.) 

"I don't know."  Of course not.  Not only does HE not know, but the helpless legions of eighth-graders on facebook do not know either.

"OK, fine.  So, obviously you then decided to assume that the test is on Monday, as that is the earliest possibility, & you have been assiduously studying away.  Right?"

Silence.  Not the golden kind.  To counter the ominous silence I must raise my voice.  "You have been studying these past two hours, right?  You most certainly have not just been sitting here staring at the wall for two solid hours, stymied by the fact that you don't know which day ONE of your tests will be?  You couldn't possibly have studied anything at all because of that?  Not one thing?  What HAVE you been doing?"

Small voice, aimed at feet.  "I've been reading."

"Let me guess, not the 10th book of the Ranger's Apprentice Series?  Where all current business problems & solutions can be found, I'm sure!  Why not read something even MORE helpful - like your Business book!"

Argh!  Needless to say, the treat is still in my purse.

THIS is what I'm dealing with, each & every day.

It's all in how you look at it!

What a morning!  The sun is high - just out of sight.  The stratus clouds hang immobile in the perfectly blue sky.  The breeze is almost nonexistent, as the ocean remains calm & welcomingly flat.  The color of the water!  Well, the color is that amazing turquoise/royal blue mixture that is the trademark of the Caribbean.  There is a little wooden white & yellow fishing boat tied in close to shore.  I suppose when the fisherman docked it here he waded ashore, perhaps seeking a beer shack for a cool drink, or a hammock to lie in. The sand of the beach is impossibly white & glowing - stretching off into the distance, marred only by footprints of beach strollers long past.  No one is near.  The palm trees bunch greenly together just up a small ridge, like an army preparing to assault the beach, confident in their sheer numbers.  The shade under them beckons...


Like I said - a perfect, exceptional day.  And that is just my desktop background!  I haven't even been outside ;)

...by any other name...

I was talking with my friend Susan today, driving up the hill to pottery.  It is great to have a friend in the car, as they provide an excellent captive audience.  I was busy telling her about how sometimes my mind is FILLED with so many future things to think of & worry about, so that sometimes all that stuff just goes whirling around inside my head like one great big washing machine on a never-ending spin cycle.
 
"Ah,"  says Susan,  "You should take up meditation.  That's a great way to just empty your mind, even 5 to 10 minutes a day is worth it.  It really opens you up."  Susan is big into healthy mind/body stuff.  I am along for the ride too, usually.  But meditation...


"I'm not much for meditation", I say, "I never really figured out exactly how to go about it."  I mean, if I already knew how to empty my mind by myself I wouldn't have started this blog..."Okay, so how do YOU do it, Susan?"


"Many ways!  But right now I have this programme I am using every morning for visualisation & relaxation.  I don't even have to get out of bed!"


"Really!"


"Right.  I just wake up & have my ipod nearby & turn it on & listen to some directed meditation for about 10 minutes & it's really soothing - in fact, some times I even fall asleep & don't wake up until I hear it end!", she chuckles.


"OK," I say, "So let me understand.  You wake up, turn on a machine, stay in bed & fall asleep for a few extra minutes & then wake up when it makes a certain sound, right?"


"Right!", she says.


"You know, Susan, I have always been under the impression that this was called 'Hitting the Snooze Button', but now, thanks to you, I know this is really called 'Visualisation & Relaxation'!"


So there you have it - in case anyone needs any justification...

Hidden Talents

As I was driving down the road this morning a man in a car ahead of me spit out of his window onto the street.  Immediately I was quite offended - I mean really!  Right in front of me like that!  I narrowed my eyes at him in disgust.  Why is it people think they need to spit in public?  Isn't that why the good lord invented tissue, or better yet, bathrooms?  What mother said to her young child, "Remember to always use your napkin, never pick your nose, be kind and good to all living things & if you ever need to hawk up a big ol' lugie it is entirely appropriate to do that in front of as many people as possible."  REpulsive! 

'Course, maybe I'm jealous - I mean, if I tried to spit outside a car window it would either be dripping off my chin, or smearing down the side of my car.  Or my window would be closed!  With some phenomenal bad luck, I might potentially hit someone ELSE's car, or a pedestrian! 

But now that I think of it, why should I be offended?  It's not as if he was aiming it at me personally -"take that!".  Maybe I am looking at this all wrong.  I should be more appreciative of anothers talent.  Think of the skill required - first he had to cough up just the perfect amount of raw material, then - in a split second! - he had to turn his head to just the right degree as well as calculate the wind direction & velocity, while presumably also verifying that he would not be splattering anyone (at least I HOPE this is something he took into consideration!).  This is talent!!  This man had to handle several complicated tasks at once & not only that - he was male!  A man, who when he is at home probably can't watch a television commercial & answer a question from his wife at the same time.  Yet, when it came to performing this complicated procedure he did it successfully - not only that, but he made it look EASY!  Come to think of it - he had a certain kind of nonchalant style...

But maybe it isn't all that.  After all, he was just the passenger - it's not like he was actually manoeuvring the vehicle at the same time.  Now, THAT would be something to see...