Time for your Annual Physical - USA:
"Hello, Dr. Smith's office."
"Hello. I need to schedule my annual physical."
"Very good. When was your last physical?"
"Well, actually, it has been at least two years since the last one."
"Two years! Oh my. You know, Ma'am, it is called 'annual physical' for a reason. You are not supposed to put these things off! What is your age?"
"49."
"49? Almost 50! What have you been waiting for? You'd best come in right away! Let's see - we have an opening in 6 weeks. How about July 23rd?"
"I thought you said I should come in 'right away'?"
"That IS right away. Now, before you come to the appointment you need to drop by the office & pick up a lab form for all the blood work that Dr. Smith requires. Then just go to the lab tech & have the work done. They will forward the results to us. Be sure to get that done right away to make sure the results are available to the doctor by the time your appointment arrives."
"You mean 'right away' like 'RIGHT AWAY!', I suppose - not in 6 weeks or so..."
"Of course! Don't wait too long, because if the results are not here in time for your appointment we will have to reschedule & that might take awhile..."
"Heaven forbid!"
Time for your Annual Physical: Caribbean
"Good morning, Dr. Smith's office."
"Good morning. I need to schedule my annual physical."
"Your what?"
"My annual physical? You know, when you come to see the doctor every year to make sure everything's all right...Actually, it has been at least two years since my last one."
"Two years! & you want to come back all ready? What is your age?"
"49."
"What's wrong with you?"
"Pardon?"
"What's wrong with you? Are you sick or something?"
"No, at least I don't think so-"
"You haven't broken any bones or anything?"
"No, no-"
"What is it that you want, then?"
"A PHY-SI-CAL. I want the doctor to examine me, take my vital signs, take some blood tests & see if I need to do anything else - like a colonoscopy, or-"
"A what?"
"A CO-LON-O-SCOP-Y. It's when they- oh, never mind. I will talk to the doctor about it. Let me just make the appointment. So, if I make an appointment today, about how far in the future are we looking at for the appointment?"
"Tomorrow?"
"Oh, well, that's good, that's very quick. I think that is too soon for me, tho. How about next week?"
"Okay."
"Now, should I have some blood tests done before then?"
"Blood tests? What kind do you want?"
"What kind do I want? I mean, isn't there some sort of regular blood tests that the doctor has everyone do? Like for cholesterol?"
"You want a cholesterol test?"
"Well, probably - but, isn't the doctor going to want some others as well?"
"Why?"
"Well, I don't know why! How will he know if I am healthy or need any medication if he doesn't do some tests?"
"So, you want the doctor to do some tests?"
"Yes!"
"What tests do you want him to do?"
"How should I know? The usual ones!"
"You will have to ask him. First you see the doctor, then you come back for blood tests, then you see the doctor again, then he will ask you if you want any prescriptions..."
"HE will ask ME? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"
Blank stare.
"Okay, look. I am just trying to save some time here. If the doctor would just let me do all the blood tests first, then I wouldn't have to come back so many times, see?"
"I could ask the lab assistant."
"Okay, great."
Waiting...
"There you are. What did the lab assistant say?"
"He wanted to know if you were sick or something..."
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