Time on a String

It's like this:There is a theory that a timeline - the thought that time is progressing in a straight line from Point A to Point B - is maybe not a "line", but a spiral, or a circle, or some other shape. I am subscribing to the idea that the shape of time is flexible, or fluid. I personally like the "string" theory (which I cannot take credit for inventing, sorry), as I am experiencing this phenomenon at this very moment. 

For example, I could take a long string & somewhere along it's length I would attach a label that says June 2008 (which marks the time my boys & I left Georgia to join my husband in the Caribbean). Next, I would move down the length of the string a decent space & attach another label that says February 2013 (which marks the time our family moved into our new house in Louisiana).

So, I have a string with two labels. So?  Don't rush me now, be patient!

This past month has been hectic but great. We finally moved into our house & I was sent to Georgia to open the storage unit for the moving men, so that we might finally be rejoined with our belongings. I will use a partial quotation from Howard Carter, who discovered King Tut's Tomb, to describe how I felt at the moment of the rolling up of the storage door:

'At first I could see nothing.. but presently, as my eyes grew accustomed to the light, details of the room within emerged slowly... strange animals, statues ... I was struck dumb with amazement... So enormous was this structure ...From top to bottom it was overlaid with gold, and upon its sides there were inlaid panels ... the magic symbols which would ensure ... strength and safety...at the north end, the seven magic oars the king would need to ferry himself across the waters of the underworld. The walls... were decorated with brightly painted scenes and inscriptions, brilliant in their colors...' 

Okay, maybe the part about the gold is not quite accurate in my case, & in fact, instead of seven magic oars I saw perhaps seven dirty shovels & hoes, which may or may not be sufficient to get me across the waters of the underworld.  But you get my point; my feeling. It was one of excitement & discovery.  It made my heart swell up.  Our ancient life - a time capsule cracking open.  I watched it all get packed into a United Van Lines truck & away it rolled, headed not toward the waters of the Underworld, but instead the waters of the Mississippi River.

Anyhow, since we have been back from Jamaica, in picking up our old lives (as it were), the string of time has been altered.  What seems to have happened is that the labels on my string of June 2008 & February 2013 have been taken up in two powerful hands & brought together, leaving the five years in the Caribbean outside of the line; in a loop, which may or may not have existed at all.

Does this make any sense?

Other than the fact that the two boys I took with me are not the same two boys I brought back (as can be witnessed by the amount of toys that arrived on the moving van that have been outgrown, & sports trophies that no longer matter - but yet needed to be kept at the time), it is as if we never left the US at all.  It is, in some ways, quite unsettling.

Tomorrow, tho, I hope to stretch out that string again, as the moving men with the Jamaica portion of our household goods is finally arriving.  Perhaps this integration of belongings from the old & the new life will get that time loop all smoothed out & let us reclaim those five years.

After all, our time in the Caribbean will surely provide us with some of the best memories of our lives...

& I want them ALL visible on MY string!

Quest for Cleanliness (Part II)

On a sunny Tuesday in my own personal bayou here in Louisiana, the Lowe's truck pulled up to my door & delivered unto me a Samsung washer & dryer set.  The delivery guys quickly hooked everything up, ran test cycles for each & were out the door before I knew it.
"You're all set!"  the delivery guy hollered over his shoulder as I waved goodbye.

I rushed inside to use my new purchase, as laundry had been piling up.  Inside the yellow laundry room I introduced myself to my washer.  "Hello there!"  I told it.  "I have been waiting for you!  My, what a lot of buttons you have!"  I ran my hand over the machine & gave it a friendly pat.  I opened the lid & threw in a bunch of darks.  I did not over load it, not wanting to be so rude on our first mission together.  I fed it some High-Efficiency Tide (nothing was too good for my new baby!).  I made a multitude of selections from these choices:
What size load?
What temperature water?
Presoak?
What degree of 'soiledness'?
Delicates?
Power rinse?
Warp drive?
Do you want fries with that?
Will you introduce me to your smartphone later?

I answered the last question under my breath, "I don't HAVE a smart phone!"  I pressed start & so many small lights came on that I could have turned off the laundry room overhead light & been able to see just fine.

The washer made a couple DINGS & then went "Whirrrr" & spun gently to the right.  Then it went "Whirrr" & spun gently to the left.  Then it did this several more times, (I remembered my buddy Joe telling me about this - calibrating the load).  The dryer (who I patted now, so he wouldn't feel left out) stood by quietly, regarding the washer in what seemed to be an interested silence.

So, I went on my way, back to the kitchen where I was cutting shelf liner.  After a while, I heard the washer give a little chime.  How cute,  I thought, much nicer than that horrible buzz they used to make.  I assumed it was telling me something like it was changing cycles, or my fries were ready, or it was still waiting to meet my phone.  Very soon it chimed again.  After several chimes, it finally occurred to me to go & look at the washer.  Sure enough, it had decided to talk to me.  On it's screen it said "nF" - which as we all know is an abbreviation for, "Hey there!  I am complaining about the water hoses!  I don't like the way they are connected!  Come fix me!  & btw, if you had a SMARTPHONE I would have CALLED you!"

I opened the top & peered inside - the clothes were clumped in a wet puddle at the bottom.  I turned the washer off.  I turned it on again.  It started up & then chimed & flashed his "nF" at me again.  Great.

I called Lowe's.
I ended up with Robert, in appliances.  "Oh," he said in a dreamy way, "You'll have to call back at 6 in the morning & talk to the Delivery Manager, Brian, to see if maybe they can come back tomorrow."
"Well, Robert,"  I began, "I'm not looking for 'if they can come back tomorrow'; I am looking for 'they WILL come back tomorrow'.  I have a pile of wet clothes marinating in this washing machine!"
"Oh, yeah, right.  I can send him an email?"
"Fine.  Do that & copy me as well.  I will call him in the morning, if that's what it takes."
"What brand did you say that was?"  Robert queried.
"Samsung."
"Oh, I can't believe that!  We NEVER have problems with Samsung!"

Early Wednesday I chased down Brian, who quickly arranged to recheck everything & then (when that failed to turn up anything) swap this washer with the floor display model - "The only other of this particular washer in the store".  He told me he was sure it was some kind of fluke, because they NEVER have problems with Samsung.  I hauled out the wet load & threw it in a garbage bag.  The dryer gave me a baleful look, apparently upset that he had not yet been able to show me his stuff.  "Sorry."  I told it.

New washer.  After running it thru it's cycles again, the delivery guy (the same one from Tuesday), said "You're all set!"  & drove away.  "I've heard THAT before!" I muttered.  I approached this 2nd washer with trepidation.  I patted it & stroked it (the way my buddy Joe did).  "Remember me?"  I asked it.  "We met in the store the other day?".  I filled the machine with the wet clothes, made all my button choices & broke the sad news to the washer that, no, I didn't have a smartphone.  I fed it some Tide & turned it on & quickly left the room.  I couldn't bare to watch.

The chime came faster this time, only 8 minutes into the cycle.  "You are KIDDING me!" I shouted, stomping my foot at the other end of the house.

I drove to Lowe's.  Brian & Robert were around, but they said we needed to wait for Joe (my buddy!), who was the expert on all things washer related, so maybe HE could figure out what was going wrong with the Samsung (that NEVER has problems!).
"I don't care what's wrong with it."  I told Joe, as he wandered in from lunch.  "I think Samsung just doesn't like me. Maybe it's mad that I don't have a smartphone.  I think it's time for me to change brands."

Joe, undaunted, went over to the computer & did some searching.  "Maybe it's your water pressure - Samsung is very particular about water pressure.  You might need a plumber to come & blow the lines."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with the water pressure." I told him.  "I don't want to call a plumber!  I think I would just rather look at another washer - you know, the old kind.  The kind without all the lights & sensors.  Besides, the old kind of washer will fill up up even if the water pressure is low, right?"
"Well, yeah, but it will take a while."  Joe conceded reluctantly.
"Better than not filling at all." I countered.
"If that's the kind of washer you want..."  Joe fired back, giving me a disdainful look - as if I had spurned a Mercedes only to choose a Yugo.
"The only kind of washer I want," I drew out my words slowly, "is the kind that works."

GAME, SET & MATCH!  - Joe could only fumble at his computer keys in defeat.

Thursday I wrestled yet again that same load of soaking laundry (now THAT's what I call a 'Presoak'!) into a garbage bag & awaited the new washer/dryer.
("What's wrong with the dryer?"  Joe wondered.
"How would I know?"  I responded, "But I don't want to break up a set!"  In other words, I didn't want to park my Yugo next to my Mercedes.)

Here came the same delivery guys, bringing me my 3rd washer in as many days.  "I hope we don't see each other again any time soon."  I joked.  
"You're all set!"  he replied.
I crossed my fingers.

I went to behold my new acquisition.  It had nobs.  It claimed to have a sensor, but I could turn it off.  I did.  I loaded the washer.  It did it's job.  I gave the load to the dryer.  It did it's job.  
GE - they bring good things to life!

& never once did the machine ask to speak to my smartphone.  But, just in case, I picked one up the other day.
It is not a Samsung.

Quest for Cleanliness (Part I)

Standing in Lowe's last week I found my washer & dryer.  

Actually, I found MANY washers & dryers!  A veritable ARMY of them, poised & ready for the never-ending battle against dirt & grime on fabric.  All races were represented - mostly white, but a few silver, blue & red ones were included as well.  Ah, Lowe's is an Equal Opportunity retailer...

I haven't bought a washer/dryer since 1998.  Things have changed somewhat.

"Where are the nobs?", I asked myself.  An eavesdropping salesman wandered over.
"They're all computerized."  The salesman, Joe, told me, stroking the machine lovingly.  "Much more efficient."
I could definitely see the 'computer' part.  Countless buttons & lights were arrayed across the top of the machine like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.

"Where are the washing machines," I looked around, " - these all look like dryers."
Joe gave me a look.  "These are front-loaders.  Maybe you haven't bought a washing machine in a while?"
I figured that was his polite way of asking if perhaps my last washing machine was a washboard & tub.
"No. I haven't.  Front-loaders, huh?  Now, why would I want to have to get on my knees to load the washer?"
Joe was quick to point out that there was a separate bottom drawer-thingy that would lift the washer higher up. For an extra $300.  On top of the $1100 for the washer, of course.
"$300 for an ugly metal drawer?  Don't they make the kind that opens from the top anymore?"
"Top-loaders,"  Joe corrected me, "Yes, over here."
"Better."  I said.  

I opened a sleek looking top-loader up & peered inside.  "Now, where's the thing that goes in the middle?"
"The agitator."
"Yeah, that."
"These machines don't use an agitator.  These are high-efficiency machines that use a sensor to weigh the load & blah, blah, blah." (He actually didn't say 'blah, blah, blah', but I got lost in all the technical stuff.)  I figured my buddy Joe must know what he was talking about.

"Okay.  The price looks better anyway."
"Yes, this set is on sale for $200 off each.  $800 a piece.
"Is this a good brand?  What is it...Samsung?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Samsung makes washers?  My phone is a Samsung!"
"Oh, yes, Samsung has been making appliances for a long time.  These are very high quality machines.  We never have a problem with them.  In fact, these are smart washers."
"Smart in what way?"
"They can communicate with your smartphone."

It never occurred to me that my previous washing machine may have been lonely.  The dryer was not a good enough companion.  No.  My washing machine wanted more.  In fact, it deserved more!  It had things to say!  It had needs!  How could I have been so thoughtless?

It must be a joke:  'So, this washing machine walks into a bar & says to the smartphone--'

"Okay, I give up."  I said to Joe,  "What on earth would a washing machine say to a smartphone?"
"Well, you can check on the status of the load.  It will tell you what cycle the wash is in & when it is done."
"You're kidding."
"No!  It's a great feature!"
"Great?!  What would be the point?  If I am home, I KNOW when the wash is done & if I am not home, why would I CARE that the wash is done?  What - I'm going to be in the middle of a haircut, my phone will beep & I will run out of the salon, clips & scissors strewn in my wake, to come home & unload the laundry?!"

Joe smirked at me.  
He probably knew I didn't have a smartphone.

(to be continued...)