On a sunny Tuesday in my own personal bayou here in Louisiana, the Lowe's truck pulled up to my door & delivered unto me a Samsung washer & dryer set. The delivery guys quickly hooked everything up, ran test cycles for each & were out the door before I knew it.
"You're all set!" the delivery guy hollered over his shoulder as I waved goodbye.
I rushed inside to use my new purchase, as laundry had been piling up. Inside the yellow laundry room I introduced myself to my washer. "Hello there!" I told it. "I have been waiting for you! My, what a lot of buttons you have!" I ran my hand over the machine & gave it a friendly pat. I opened the lid & threw in a bunch of darks. I did not over load it, not wanting to be so rude on our first mission together. I fed it some High-Efficiency Tide (nothing was too good for my new baby!). I made a multitude of selections from these choices:
What size load?
What temperature water?
Presoak?
What degree of 'soiledness'?
Delicates?
Power rinse?
Warp drive?
Do you want fries with that?
Will you introduce me to your smartphone later?
I answered the last question under my breath, "I don't HAVE a smart phone!" I pressed start & so many small lights came on that I could have turned off the laundry room overhead light & been able to see just fine.
The washer made a couple DINGS & then went "Whirrrr" & spun gently to the right. Then it went "Whirrr" & spun gently to the left. Then it did this several more times, (I remembered my buddy Joe telling me about this - calibrating the load). The dryer (who I patted now, so he wouldn't feel left out) stood by quietly, regarding the washer in what seemed to be an interested silence.
So, I went on my way, back to the kitchen where I was cutting shelf liner. After a while, I heard the washer give a little chime. How cute, I thought, much nicer than that horrible buzz they used to make. I assumed it was telling me something like it was changing cycles, or my fries were ready, or it was still waiting to meet my phone. Very soon it chimed again. After several chimes, it finally occurred to me to go & look at the washer. Sure enough, it had decided to talk to me. On it's screen it said "nF" - which as we all know is an abbreviation for, "Hey there! I am complaining about the water hoses! I don't like the way they are connected! Come fix me! & btw, if you had a SMARTPHONE I would have CALLED you!"
I opened the top & peered inside - the clothes were clumped in a wet puddle at the bottom. I turned the washer off. I turned it on again. It started up & then chimed & flashed his "nF" at me again. Great.
I called Lowe's.
I ended up with Robert, in appliances. "Oh," he said in a dreamy way, "You'll have to call back at 6 in the morning & talk to the Delivery Manager, Brian, to see if maybe they can come back tomorrow."
"Well, Robert," I began, "I'm not looking for 'if they can come back tomorrow'; I am looking for 'they WILL come back tomorrow'. I have a pile of wet clothes marinating in this washing machine!"
"Oh, yeah, right. I can send him an email?"
"Fine. Do that & copy me as well. I will call him in the morning, if that's what it takes."
"What brand did you say that was?" Robert queried.
"Samsung."
"Oh, I can't believe that! We NEVER have problems with Samsung!"
Early Wednesday I chased down Brian, who quickly arranged to recheck everything & then (when that failed to turn up anything) swap this washer with the floor display model - "The only other of this particular washer in the store". He told me he was sure it was some kind of fluke, because they NEVER have problems with Samsung. I hauled out the wet load & threw it in a garbage bag. The dryer gave me a baleful look, apparently upset that he had not yet been able to show me his stuff. "Sorry." I told it.
New washer. After running it thru it's cycles again, the delivery guy (the same one from Tuesday), said "You're all set!" & drove away. "I've heard THAT before!" I muttered. I approached this 2nd washer with trepidation. I patted it & stroked it (the way my buddy Joe did). "Remember me?" I asked it. "We met in the store the other day?". I filled the machine with the wet clothes, made all my button choices & broke the sad news to the washer that, no, I didn't have a smartphone. I fed it some Tide & turned it on & quickly left the room. I couldn't bare to watch.
The chime came faster this time, only 8 minutes into the cycle. "You are KIDDING me!" I shouted, stomping my foot at the other end of the house.
I drove to Lowe's. Brian & Robert were around, but they said we needed to wait for Joe (my buddy!), who was the expert on all things washer related, so maybe HE could figure out what was going wrong with the Samsung (that NEVER has problems!).
"I don't care what's wrong with it." I told Joe, as he wandered in from lunch. "I think Samsung just doesn't like me. Maybe it's mad that I don't have a smartphone. I think it's time for me to change brands."
Joe, undaunted, went over to the computer & did some searching. "Maybe it's your water pressure - Samsung is very particular about water pressure. You might need a plumber to come & blow the lines."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with the water pressure." I told him. "I don't want to call a plumber! I think I would just rather look at another washer - you know, the old kind. The kind without all the lights & sensors. Besides, the old kind of washer will fill up up even if the water pressure is low, right?"
"Well, yeah, but it will take a while." Joe conceded reluctantly.
"Better than not filling at all." I countered.
"If that's the kind of washer you want..." Joe fired back, giving me a disdainful look - as if I had spurned a Mercedes only to choose a Yugo.
"The only kind of washer I want," I drew out my words slowly, "is the kind that works."
GAME, SET & MATCH! - Joe could only fumble at his computer keys in defeat.
Thursday I wrestled yet again that same load of soaking laundry (now THAT's what I call a 'Presoak'!) into a garbage bag & awaited the new washer/dryer.
("What's wrong with the dryer?" Joe wondered.
"How would I know?" I responded, "But I don't want to break up a set!" In other words, I didn't want to park my Yugo next to my Mercedes.)
Here came the same delivery guys, bringing me my 3rd washer in as many days. "I hope we don't see each other again any time soon." I joked.
"You're all set!" he replied.
I crossed my fingers.
I went to behold my new acquisition. It had nobs. It claimed to have a sensor, but I could turn it off. I did. I loaded the washer. It did it's job. I gave the load to the dryer. It did it's job.
GE - they bring good things to life!
& never once did the machine ask to speak to my smartphone. But, just in case, I picked one up the other day.
It is not a Samsung.
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