Useless Drivel

Cr-e-e-e-k ...the door opens, the dust motes fly...

Hey!  I remember this place - I have BEEN in here before... Boy, it sure is dusty! 
(cough, cough)
I used to write in here, I remember now.

Right - like I actually forgot that.  No, but sometimes I seem to forget how - HOW did I used to write in here?

Well, duh, just like I am doing now.  You just set your hands over the keyboard & hope that what pours out of your fingers isn't just some useless drivel - of course "useless drivel" was always a speciality of mine!  So I will pray to the Gods of Writing to send me some MORE useless drivel!

I was in the shower the other day, when I found myself reading my husband's shampoo bottle.  It has a kangaroo on it & the words Aussie MEN.  The bottle promises a DEEP CLEAN, along with a catchy little slogan:  Lose the dirt, Keep the adventure.  All that aside, the bottle has a handy pump, which is most likely what caused me to buy it.  I hadn't considered the possibility for the multitude of adventures that could be had while washing hair.

But that's not all!  Not only can you get an adventuresome DEEP CLEAN, but it comes with a NO WORRIES GUARANTEE!  Which is great, because I don't want my husband to be worrying about his shampoo!  
Hello!  I can hardly get him to remember to USE it!

& just what is the NO WORRIES GUARANTEE?  I thought you'd never ask!  It is this:  Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

Is this really necessary?  What would cause me to feel dissatisfaction about a shampoo for Heaven's sake?  Is there such a thing as a shampoo NOT cleaning? 

"Hello? Is this Aussie MEN customer service?"
"Goodday, Mate!  Yes, this is customer service.  How can I help you today?"
"Well, I am sorry to say that I need to return this bottle of shampoo."
"I am SO sorry to hear that.  May I ask why?"
"It doesn't work."
"The shampoo doesn't work?"
"Right."
"Well!"  the customer service rep takes a breath,  "Did you follow the directions?"
"Of course!  What do you think?   Even MY husband can figure out Work into wet hair. Rinse.  The problem is that now my husband is sitting around waiting for the adventure that was promised on the bottle."
"The adventure?"
"Sure - it says right on the bottle that he would get an adventure."
"I'm sorry - could you repeat that?"
"...and I quote, 'Lose the dirt. Keep the adventure' - so, where is this adventure, that's what my husband wants to know."
"I see.  Let me put you on hold for a moment, while I speak to my supervisor."
♪♪ 

 And she said, "Do you come from a land down under?

Where women glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels. He was six foot four and full of-

 ♪♪

"Ma'am?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"OK, I spoke to my supervisor & he did point out that the shampoo bottle doesn't promise an adventure; it states that you may keep the adventure.  Therefore, the adventure must be something you have already."
"So, what you are saying is that if my husband uses any OTHER shampoo, he will have to return his adventure?  To whom must he return it then?"
"Well, I don't know about that..."
"& not only THAT, but his deep clean from any other shampoo will not 'pack as much punch as a dingo on the prowl'?"
"Excuse me?"
"It's right on the bottle.  Tho, you know, I never HAVE seen a dingo on the prowl...when do we get the dingo?"
"The dingo?"
"To watch it prowl!  Hey, that in itself might qualify as an adventure!  Tell you what, if you would throw in a dingo, I would go ahead & keep the shampoo."
"Throw in a dingo?!"
"Great!  Now what about that boomerang?"
"Boomerang?"
"Yes, right on the bottle there is a boomerang.  I would call that an implied boomerang, I surely would!  Will you be sending that with the dingo?  Hey - I won't have to pay shipping on all this, will I?"
"I think -   I mean, no, well, no -  please hold!"
♪♪ 
And he said, "I come from a land down under

Where beer does flow and men chunder

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover", yeah-

♪♪ 

"Hello, Ma'am?"

"Yes, hello!"

"My supervisor suggests that perhaps you should go ahead & return the shampoo.  That seems to be the most expedient solution, at this point."

"Well, okay.  I must say my husband will be very disappointed.  I am sure he was looking forward to adventuring with his dingo & his boomerang.  But, that's neither here nor there.  I guess he'll have to settle for some other shampoo as well."

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I am sure it will all work out for the best.  Luckily, with our NO WORRIES guarantee, you will be eligible for a full refund.  Now, is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Well, yes, actually, there is.  Something I've always wanted to know..."

"Yes?"

"What exactly is 'chunder', anyway?"