Elephant Massacre

My friend Lin & I sit together on a bench next to a door on a Wednesday morning.  We do some deep breathing in preparation, enjoying this last moment of silence.  Then, gathering our courage, we stand & open that door.

Behind the door is a Kindergarten class.  We are the Art Teachers.

When you enter a Kindergarten classroom, & you happen to be the known & loved Art Teachers, you do not just 'enter the classroom'.  Immediately swarms of five-year-old's are sucked onto your legs by some invisible magnetic force.  "Art Teacher, Art Teacher!"  they chirp joyfully.   Then the onslaught of questions & information begins as each child tugs on my leg, clamoring to be heard over the others:
"What are we going to do today?"
"I got a new pencil, see?"
"I had Lucky Charms for breakfast, with milk, & sugar & MORE sugar and-"
"My mommy forgot my paint!"
"I was watching Dora the Explorer and-"
"Irene is sitting too close to MY chair-"

There are 18 of the little beasts.  After we untangle them from our legs they sit at 4 round tables.   Whether the REAL classroom teacher intended it or not, the tables can, for the most part, be classified like so:

• The Fast Track
• The Slow Track
• The Daydreamers
• The Total Space Cadets

I am the 'official' art teacher;  Lin is my assistant.  On me lies the responsibility of coming up with a project & talking them thru it.  I bring the supplies, demonstrate the steps & have a completed project for their viewing pleasure.  To Lin goes the responsibility for distributing the supplies & providing extra help for the Space Cadet Table.  We have one hour.  No sweat.

"Good morning, class!  Today we are going to make elephants!"  I point to my finished creation while Lin is passing out the supplies.  My elephant is a beautiful sight, a nice gray-colored body in parade dress, complete with colorful blankets, head & trunk dress, & foot coverings, made out of construction paper & topped off with a multitude of sequins (What was I thinking?) on a burgundy background.  

The children are for the most part enraptured by this, tho Niles is propelling himself in & out of his chair seemingly unable to control himself, Penny is surreptitiously trying to corner the market on the pink paper at her table by sliding them one by one under her burgundy background sheet, Paul is busy flying his pencil like an airplane over Heather's head, & Gregory (at the Total Space Cadet Table) has written his name on his paper 11 times & counting.  Lin swoops in to snatch his pencil while passing out scissors & glue without even breaking her stride.  At 8:30 each Wednesday morning I am mildly pleased that Lin has decided to help me with this art class.  By 9:30 I am ready to fall down on my knees & worship the ground she walks on. 

The elephant is made like this:  I have made patterns that the children trace.  Then they cut out the pieces.  As there is no gray construction paper here in Jamaica, they must first color a white sheet gray before they trace & cut out the elephant.  There are other colors of paper for the elephant's blankets, etc. in the middle of their tables.  The elephant is glued to a burgundy sheet.  The sequins are the final step. 

Being frugal, the sheet I provide for the gray coloring is large enough for only the elephant body & the elephant head.  I illustrate how the Head & Body patterns must be arranged on the paper so that both will fit.  After all my explanations are finished, in walks George, late as usual.

"Hi everybody - am I late?"

"Yes, George, you are late as always.  Stop talking to everyone & go sit down."  Lin drifts over to explain the project to George. Meanwhile...

• Viola has cut off her elephant's trunk & is sniveling.
• Paul has traced his elephant head directly ON TOP of his elephant body, so that when he began to cut out the head it left a hole in the body.
• Lilly's elephant body has 5 legs & is quickly trimmed by me to avert any appearance of elephant pornography.
• Chris has glued his elephant head onto his elephant butt & now he wonders aloud what has happened to it's tail.
• Janelle has glued her gray-colored paper white-side up.
• Irene is squirting a large puddle of glue onto her hands & is rubbing them together to make gloves.  (Last week she painted her hands entirely blue & unfortunately led several of her classmates to believe that this was a good idea.)
• Karen has glued her elephant head upside down, so the trunk is aimed at the elephant's feet & the whole thing bears a striking resemblance to the pipes under my kitchen sink.
• Sally is telling anyone who will listen that she knows exactly how to do this elephant because her sister Vanetta did the same elephant last year.
• Gregory has found another pencil & written his name 9 more times.

I quickly grab both of Irene's wrists to stop the gloves-in-progress, & with a hastily tossed out "I'll be there in a minute," to the 13 children that are calling for assistance, I whirl Irene out of her chair & thrust her out of the room into the care of the REAL Kindergarten teachers, who are happily enjoying their break during my session.  "Here's one for you!" I exclaim breathlessly, as I twirl around to trip over Niles who is standing behind me shouting, "I'm finished, I'm finished!", while at the next table I hear Lin telling Penny that she must SHARE the pink paper with Patricia, & that Richelle should stop copying Miranda & pick different colors for her blankets.

I say to Niles, "You're finished?  I don't think so.  Go look at my elephant & see what else you need to do."  I hear Niles say he's finished about 30 times a class period.  His mother must wear ear plugs.  George is babbling away to Daniel about Spiderman, Viola is still grieving for her elephant's trunk as Heather helps her glue it back on.  Vance is busy trying to get his pencil back from Gregory.  Lin extracts the pencil & squats down with Gregory to see about the possibility of him doing something other than writing his name.

Niles has returned to his elephant only to haphazardly glue several pieces of paper on top of it.  "Niles!"  I say, "There is a PATTERN for the blankets.  You have to trace them & cut them out.  You can't just glue the paper any which way!"  I peel the gluey mess off of his elephant.  "OH-H-H-H!"  Niles says.

Back at The Space Cadet Table Karen has glued the elephants headdress onto its tail (at least, I think it's his tail), Irene has returned with freshly washed hands, looks at Karen's upside down elephant head & glues hers the same way.  Sally tells Vance that his elephant is ALL WRONG, so he is upset.  At the next table Paul tells Chris that HE can NEVER come to HIS house & Viola & Heather happily cut their blankets out together.  Janelle is mad at her table-mates because they have told her the SHE is not the BOSS of THEM.  Lilly & Niles race to be the first to get sequins, while Miranda & Richelle giggle together.  Patricia & Penny are working quietly if not amicably, & George is now regaling Daniel with the story about how he burned his hand last week.  Gregory & Lin are making progress on his elephant.

Sequin time seems to be here, but I check my watch & it is suddenly 9:25.  Oops - time to clean up.  At this point the children must stop where they are & carry their glue-ridden elephants out to the hallway, where Lin & I will hang them til next week.  Chaos ensues as kids pick up trash, scissors, & glue bottles, in between running to the bathroom to wash their hands.  Do the REAL teachers come into the classroom to take control of the class while we are busy cleaning up?  No, they do not.  So Lin & I beat a hasty retreat, fending off queries & complaints as we snatch up our many supplies & attempt to get out of the room as fast as possible.  Leaving the room is the only way to get the REAL teachers to come back inside...

Suddenly it is quiet.  Lin & I stare at each other while waiting for our heart rates to come down.  We can not believe it - the elephant massacre is indeed finally over.  As we hang these masterpieces with clothespins along a string outside the classroom, we try to avoid hanging the ones that are literally dripping with glue over the shelf with the lunchboxes.  We stand back to admire the finished display.  To our relief, as happens after nearly every class, we discover the results aren't as bad as we thought.  We are pleasantly surprised.

All that's left to do now is to prepare ourselves for Thursday, when we do it all over again for the First Grade...