Ahhhh, the interstate! A place where you can drive without paying constant attention to potholes & insane taxi drivers.
Ahhhh, the grocery stores! A place where you can buy groceries without taking out a second mortgage.
Ahhhh, the shopping! A place where you can no longer shop anonymously:
In the checkout line at Dick's Sporting Goods the helpful cashier smiles & asks me, "Will you be using a Dick's Rewards Card today?". She already has her hand out, ready to scan the requested card that I am sure to produce.
"No." I reply.
She blinks at me, then looks down at her hand as if to verify that, sure enough, I have NOT given her a Dick's Rewards Card. Some stores would then ask if I WANTED their Rewards Card, but apparently not Dick's. The cashier sent me a look of pity - OMG! This poor woman has been somehow getting thru life without our Rewards Card! She then gave my son the once-over, to ensure he was fed, washed & clothed at least. She reached over & snatched a fresh Dick's Card off of a nearby stack. She is prepared to right this terrible wrong!
"Name?"
"Helen-." I answer automatically.
"Address?"
Time to nip this in the bud. "Look," I say, "We're just visiting. We don't live in this country. I'm paying cash. Do we really have to do all this?" I wave my hand in the general direction of her stack of cards.
"But you need a Dick's Rewards Card to get all of our coupons & specials in the mail!" She is shocked - how can I not know this!
"Is Dick's really going to mail coupons to me in the Caribbean?" I ask. It occurs to me that in a land where Christmas cards arrive in late February I would probably not receive my coupons before they expired anyhow. Not to mention the fact that I'd have to book an airline ticket to take advantage of all these coupons that I never knew I needed.
"Do you have an address where you are staying?"
"Well, yes, but I really doubt our friends want to get all our junk mail." I hesitated briefly over the phrase 'junk mail', & her quick intake of breath tells me my instinct was right. She takes a step back & blinks at me some more - OMG! Did this woman just call valuable Dick's coupons 'junk mail?'
I smile apologetically for any implied insult to Dick's Sporting Goods. But never fear - she is tenacious. Even tho I have rudely insulted her livelihood, her employer & perhaps even her country, she is still prepared to save me from my folly. She takes a breath & timidly asks:
"Do you have an email address?"
My son turns away to stifle a chuckle as I look at the cashier. There she is, blinking away, trying (still!) to convert the unenlightened. Poor thing, I think. What can I do in the face of such hopeful persistence? I toss her a bone, capitulating -
"Yes, I do have an email address."
& just like that, her day is made! She is perkily scanning things, chattering away about how NOW I will receive ALL Dick's special offers & coupons IN MY EMAIL!
Back at my friends house, as I opened up my Dick's Sporting Goods bag, what did I find but my very own Dick's Rewards Card nestled cozily at the bottom of the sack. Well, all I can say to that is Praise the Lord & sing Hallelujah!
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