...heal thyself

Prescription drug advertisements on television - 

What exactly is the purpose of these ads anyway?  I mean, why are they geared toward the general television viewer?  Last time I checked I didn't have any authority to write drug prescriptions.  & what about the part where the ad says "Ask your doctor if XYZDrug is right for you."?  Tell you what, if my doctor is sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting for ME to suggest what drugs he ought to prescribe for me, then it's time to be shopping for a new doctor!  Isn't that HIS job?  Do the ad companies assume my doctor is at home watching daytime television?  No wonder I can never get an appointment!  & what am I supposed to think of my doctor's credentials if he then says, "XYZDrug?  That sounds like an excellent choice!  I never would have thought of that one.  Thank you for mentioning it."

These ads:  When you happen to see one, doesn't it seem a little longer than other advertisements?  Of course it is!  & do you know why?  Obviously they have to extend the commercials time frame in order to list all of the possible 'side effects'!

Picture this:  A bright sunny day, soft focus, unexplained soap bubbles drifting thru the air.  Two women sitting together at the park, watching their perfectly clean children laughing & playing on the slide.  One women says to the other:

"I have a headache."

"Ouch!  Hey, I have this new pill my doctor prescribed for me that will knock that headache back fast!  It's called the XYZDrug."

"Really?  Great, are there any side effects?"

"You bet!  You know a drug is not a good drug without side effects!  I have the list right here on this memory stick.  I had to get an 8G zip drive in order to fit the whole list on one stick.  Let's fire up the laptop."

"You've got to be kidding - so many side effects?!"

"Of course!  You know pills these days - no pain, no gain!  That's what my doctor says.  Ah, its loading now."

"Okay, let me just skim over these....
'People who should not take this drug:  children under 12, women who are nursing, women who are pregnant, women who may BECOME pregnant, women in general, women who live with cats, men, dogs, people that work-out, people that require air to breathe..."   Hmmm.  Sounds a little all-encompassing...
Then there's this:  'Let your doctor know if any of the following occur:  dizziness, drowsiness, dementia, alertness, confusion, aversion to children, dry eyes, moist eyes, runny nose, jaw pain, ear drainage, hearing loss, hallucinations, split ends, aversion to smells, short-term memory loss, hang nails, cracked cuticles, flashbacks to the 80's, dry skin, oily skin, red skin, flaky skin, sun burn, peeling, aversion to spouse, itchy throat, clogged airway, bloating, temporary insanity, stomach growling, aversion to mother-in-law, broken bones, joint pain, amnesia, aversion to drug commercials, loss of bladder control...'

"Good heavens!  This list just goes on & on!  & I haven't even gotten to the good parts!  You know:  stroke, death, possible lawsuits and/or an erection lasting longer than 4 hours!  All these warnings just for a headache?"

"Well, I suppose you could just drink some water.  But that's so last-century."

"Good idea.  I mean, look at this list! - I'd be calling my doctor every minute.  Jeez, look at the small print they use..."

"Well, if your vision is getting bad, my doctor gave me this new pill...I think it's the ICUDrug...Now, where is that other memory stick?  It was just here..."