Hard Choices

"Lisa, Hi!  How've you BEEN?  It figures I'd run into you texting away here at the mall while I'm busy searching for your PRESENT!"

"Oh, hi Jean, I've been doing all right, I guess."

"You GUESS?  You should be on the MOON what with your wedding coming up next WEEK!  Why the glum face?"

"Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to cancel it...just a sec, let me answer this...", Lisa clicks away on her phone.

"CANCEL it!?  The WEDDING? How can that be?  I thought you and Burt-", stammers Jean.

"Oh, no, no, no - it's, wait, I've got to answer this message, there, but it's not a problem with Burt!"

"Well, WHAT then?  A problem with the church, or-"

"No, Jean, it's nothing like that.  It's - well, it's my Blackberry."  Blackberry buzzing.

"Your...?  Your Blackberry?  What does your phone have to do with your WEDDING, for Heaven's sake?"

"I can't figure out how to work it into the ceremony."  (BUZZ BUZZ)

"What do you mean, 'work it into the ceremony'?  You are going to have to explain this to me in more detail, Lisa!  Now, put away that phone!"

"Okay, Jean," Lisa tucks the Blackberry into her purse. "It's really not that hard to understand.  First, there is the walk down the aisle with my dad, right?"

"Right."

"Right - so the problem is, how will I carry my Blackberry?  I mean, my wedding dress doesn't have any pockets!  I won't be able to hold my phone in my hand because of the darn bouquet - and I won't have a purse.  I could give my Blackberry to my dad & he could put it in HIS pocket, but that would be awkward if I have to reach ACROSS him to look at it...  What?  Why are you staring at me like that?"  (BUZZ BUZZ)  Lisa's fingers jitter in the air.

"WHY do you need to carry your PHONE down the AISLE?"

Lisa sketches a look of total incomprehension.  "Not carry my Blackberry?  NOT carry my BLACKBERRY!?  You're kidding, right?  I never go ANYWHERE without my Blackberry!"  Lisa starts to breathe faster while her hands start inching toward her purse, seemingly on their own volition.

"But, Lisa, it's your WEDDING day!"

"EXACTLY, Jean! (BUZZ BUZZ) I will be getting TONS of messages on FB, all kinds of Tweets & think of the photos that will be headed my way from all the people at the ceremony!"  Her hands latch onto the phone & Lisa visibly relaxes.  "& you KNOW I will have to update my blog! Plus, all my older relatives will be sending those archaic emails! Do you have any IDEA how fast that stuff PILES up, if left unattended?!"

"Well, I guess, Lisa, but it seems a little..."

"A little bit of a problem, you agree!  You never know when something EARTH SHATTERING is going to happen & you NEED to hear about it RIGHT THEN! Here," Lisa shoves her phone under Jean's nose, "Look at this picture of Jenny's little kitten with a hat, how CUTE!  Then, I also need to arrange to get the organist to stop the Wedding March at, say, maybe 2 minute intervals, so everyone - including me! - can quickly check their messages. (BUZZ BUZZ) OH!  See here!  Brad & Angelina plan to adopt a baby from outer space!"

"Just stop right there? In the middle of your walk down the aisle? Just to check your Blackberry?!" exclaims Jean.

"Exactly, Jean!  I'm glad at least YOU can understand!  The part with the minister is tricky, tho. (BUZZ BUZZ) I can't seem to get him to go along with my wishes on this!  He actually wants to do his whole part, with the "I do's" & the ring & the kiss, without ANY stops at ALL!  That'll be, what, at LEAST 20 minutes!  How will anybody be able to check their phones for important messages if the minister's going to drone on & on the WHOLE time?  I mean, my guests won't want to be RUDE! Oh look! Here's a message from this girl I went to 2nd grade with & haven't seen for 15 years, I better get back to her right away..." Click, click, click.

"Well," ventures Jean, "It IS the reason the minister's there, right, to get you married?  I think people would understand, Lisa.  Maybe you could just have everyone turn their phones OFF for the ceremony, like they do on an airplane..."

"Sure, well, yeah, I guess that COULD work for the people AT the ceremony. (BUZZ BUZZ) Hold on, here's My Daily Horoscope - and I can get a FULL chart done if I 'LIKE' their page on FB...  But what about the rest of the people ALL over the WORLD - I could maybe get them to agree to turn off all THEIR phones, like for 'A Moment of Silence' or something, just for the time of my ceremony, so that I won't get a backlog of messages that I'll have to deal with later..." Lisa's eyes widen at the idea as she clutches her phone to her breast. (BUZZ BUZZ)

Jean shakes her head. "I don't think that's gonna fly, Lisa, sounds a little UNREASONABLE, doesn't it?"

Lisa thinks it over & pouts, "Yeah, Jean, I guess you could be right."

The girls sit in silence. (BUZZ BUZZ)

"So, should I shop for that present, do you think?"  Jean stands up to leave, smoothing her pants.  Lisa is looking down at her Blackberry, obviously torn.

"You're right, Jean." Lisa sighs in resignation.  "I'll just have to try to make it thru the ceremony without my Blackberry.  We surely can't back out of the wedding NOW! Thanks, Jean, for helping me keep my eyes on what's REALLY important!  The gifts! Boy, I sure hope someone is going to give us an iPhone!"

(BUZZ BUZZ)