Character Flaws

The beautiful Katrina stood on the balcony, pensively watching Sir Robert gallop into the night.  She clutched at her chemise anxiously.  What would come of Sir Roberts encounter with the Vile Barnabus?  Would he be able to avenge the untimely death of Katrina's father & reinstate her family to the nobility as Sir Robert had intended?  What would be in store for Katrina if Sir Robert failed in his task?  All Katrina could do now was wait.  She turned-

"Excuse me?  Hello up there?"  Katrina backed away from the edge of the balcony & gazed up into the cloudy mists.
"Are you speaking to me, Katrina?" I asked with some trepidation.  After all, I was not in the habit of conversing with characters in my stories.
"Yes!" she exclaimed.
"Well, what do you want?"  I wondered aloud.
"What is this - 'all Katrina could do now was wait'.  That's a load of crap.  What kind of helpless female are you trying to make me into - some sort of wishy-washy, I-need-a-man-to-save-me type of mealy-mouthed woman?  I mean really!  Why not give me an AK47 & let me go after that Vile Barnabus.  I would have my vengeance upon him on MY terms!"
"AK47?  Hardly.  You're at least a hundred years off - this novel is set in the 1800's.  I can't compromise the accuracy of the period just because you don't like the story...but maybe we can work something out."

Katrina stood on the balcony, watching Sir Robert gallop into the night.  She clutched at her chemise nervously.  What if Sir Robert realized that Katrina had sent him away on false pretenses so that she could deal with the Vile Barnabus herself?  Would Katrina be able to avenge the untimely death of her father & find the proof that would reinstate her family to the nobility as Sir Robert had intended?  Could she do all this before Sir Robert returned from Walmart?   What would be-

"Katrina!"
"What?"  her eyes slid away guiltily.
"Walmart?  There is no Walmart in 19th century England!"
"Well, I needed to send Sir Robert away for a long time.  Everyone knows that people get lost for days in those Super Walmarts!  I need time to find the Vile Barnabus AND devise a plan to dispose of him!"
"Fine!  I'll work on it!  But no Walmarts!!!"

Would Katrina be able to avenge the untimely death of her father & find the proof that would reinstate her family to the nobility as Sir Robert had intended?  Could she do all this before Sir Robert returned from Target?   What would be-

"No Targets either!  Now stop it!"
"Grrr..."  Katrina growled.

Could she do all this before Sir Robert returned from Wiltshire, just two days journey for Sir Robert while riding the valiant Prince, his infamous black stallion? 

Suddenly she heard the sound of a carriage & looked to see Bill the Stable Boy rushing to attend upon the horses.  She ducked below the balcony rail so that she would not be seen-

"Oh, I'm so modest, too!"
"Wait, I'm not finished...."  I continued typing.

-so that she would not be seen by the Vile Barnabus, who had arrived at speed upon receiving the deceitful note she had sent earlier, doused liberally with her personalized lavender scent, in which she suggested that they might come to 'a mutually beneficial arrangement'  if he would but hasten to her side while Sir Robert was away...

"Eek!  He's here all ready?!  Now what will I do?"
"Well, you wanted to take care of him yourself, so here he is."  I smirked, chuckling at having put the demanding Katrina in such a position.
"Fine, but I can't have any witnesses & now Bill the Stable Boy has seen the Vile Barnabus' arrival!  You must take Bill away!"

While taking the harness of the lead horse, suddenly Bill the Stable Boy clutched his breast & fell to the ground-

"I didn't mean for you to kill him!  He's just a boy!  Besides, remember that time he helped me when my petticoat was caught in my saddle - he didn't even try to peak underneath at my pantalettes!  Can't you just send him away?"
"Fine!"  I backspaced.

Suddenly Katrina heard the sound of a carriage & looked to see the Vile Barnabus (who had arrived at speed upon receiving the deceitful note she had sent earlier, doused liberally with her personalized lavender scent, in which she suggested that they might come to 'a mutually beneficial arrangement' if he would but hasten to her side while Sir Robert was away...) shouting for the stable boy, who was no where to be seen. 

Katrina knew this was her chance.  She quickly returned to her room, & prepared to don her corset, her petticoat, her hoop skirt, her dress, her gloves, her bonnet - 

"I am NOT wearing all those clothes again!"  Katrina fumed.

She quickly returned to her room, & with time of the essence, donned only her dress over her chemise, then put up her hair & steeled herself to meet the Vile Barnabus, the man who had orchestrated her father's demise, face to face for the first time.

"Are you sure I can't have an AK47?"
"Positive.  But you're a resourceful woman, Katrina; I am sure you will think of something."
"Very well, then..."

As Katrina descended the staircase, she spied the Vile Barnabus with his back to her, gazing out the window across the moors.  Presumably he had let himself in, of all the nerve, & Katrina had a biting riposte on the tip of her tongue when he turned.

"Miss Simmons?"  he demanded.  As he turned toward her, Katrina could not help but notice how attractive he was, in his Gentleman's Cape & pressed trousers.  The Vile Barnabus quickly doffed his bowler & strode toward her, "Miss Katrina Simmons?  Please forgive me for letting myself into your foyer, but it is with the utmost urgency that I must speak with you, & your servants seem to be mysteriously absent."

"Well, thanks, Helen!  Did you have to make him so good looking?"
"Of course!  The bad guys are always hot stuff!" I insisted.
Katrina moaned, "Just look at his dreamy green eyes, his manly cleft chin, his broad shoulders.  Hear his smoothly modulated voice.  This is the man I must kill in cold blood?  Sir Robert pales next to him!  Sir Robert with his drooping trousers, his sagging suspenders, his ridiculous handlebar moustache, his powdered hands.  I cannot go through with this murder!  I cannot!  Please, will you not help me?"
"Oh, Katrina, but you are such a troll!  Are you sure this is what you want?  To be swept away by the Vile Barnabus?  What about your father?  How inappropriate!"
"You're a resourceful woman, Helen; I am sure you will think of something."
"Very well, then..."

Katrina paused, hand on the banister, some inner debate filling her with uncertainty-

"That's because I am waiting to see what you are going to do, duh!"

"Let not my lack of servants trouble you, Sir.  Please say what needs be said & then the sooner I see the dust from your carriage wheels the sooner I will be pleased."
"Very well," said the Vile Barnabus, who seemed taken aback.  Nevertheless, he carried on, "My dear Miss Simmons, I have only come in order to warn you - the Vile Sir Robert has told you a falsehood!"

"Enough with the 'vile' all ready!"
"I like vile! - Oh, all right..."  backspace, backspace...

"Miss Simmons, I have only come in order to warn you - the Villainous Sir Robert has told you a falsehood!  In so doing he has effected the death of your innocent father, while besmirching your families honor, not to mention casting aspersions upon my character as well!  I hurried to your side as soon as I received your note that the Villainous Sir Robert had departed for Wiltshire.  I had hoped that together we would be able to avenge the death of your father & reinstate your family to the nobility!"
"Oh, Barnabus!" Katrina swooned, "If only all will transpire as you have planned!  Then perhaps we can be married-"

"Katrina!  Hello!  What are you trying to do, send Barnabus running for the hills?  What happened to your 'I-don't-need-a-man'  persona?  A little more finesse on your part, please!" 
"Okay, I'll back off, just don't let him get away!"

"Oh, Barnabus!" Katrina exclaimed, "If only all will transpire as you have planned!"
"Miss Simmons!  May I have the honor of addressing you as Katrina?  As soon as we confront the Villainous Sir Robert with the proof of his misdeeds (that I have right here in my pouch), I will challenge him to a duel to champion your cause!"

"A duel!  But he might be killed!  Sure we can't tip the odds with that AK47?"
"Give the gun a rest, Katrina, I'll not tell you again...You've already interfered with my story more than I would like.  In fact, I am thinking it is time to wrap this up & try a new novel.  Perhaps with a different lead character...maybe a western!  I don't think I want to wait around for you & Barnabus to make cow eyes at each other as you fall deeply in love.  I also don't want to mess around with Sir Robert any more."
"If only you hadn't given him those powdered hands!" Katrina shivered.
"Perhaps that was a mistake..."

Suddenly, Sir Ivan from the neighboring estate raced into the courtyard, the whithers of his horse heaving with exhaustion.
"Barnabus!  Katrina!  Did you hear the news?  The town of Wiltshire was just this morning hit by an atomic bomb!"

"Really, Helen, what about 'I can't compromise the accuracy of the period...'"
"Right, right - sorry, I was just looking for a quick fix.  How about this -"

"Barnabus!  Katrina!  Did you hear the news?  The town of Wiltshire & all roads thither have been quarantined for cholera!"
"But what will this mean?" exclaimed Barnabus.
"It means we are free of Sir Robert forever!"  Katrina shamelessly threw herself into Barnabus' arms & shed some feminine tears.  In the midst of embracing the man whom she was quickly growing to love, Katrina could not help but notice, while gazing over Barnabus' shoulder, that Sir Ivan had the most beautiful flaxen hair, a superbly white smile, & how Sir Ivan's biceps filled out ever so nicely the sleeves of his Greatcoat...

"Helen!  I'm going to kill you!"