Routine Maintenance

The problem with a routine is knowing when it's time to change it.

I am a big fan of routines.  Way back when I used to read things like Parents magazine, which I followed religiously until my oldest child was about age 6 (at which point I cancelled the subscription, feeling that on-the-job experience must count for something), I took to heart the part about routines.  It went something like this:   "Schedules and routines are important for children because they need to know what’s coming next. If the schedule is consistent, children learn the pattern. This way, there aren’t too many unknowns."  (Quotation stolen from the Internet)

Hey, forget the kids!  I needed a routine!  A routine is basically self-defense for the parents, & who doesn't want that?  When my boys would ask, "Can I watch TV now, Mommy?",  Mommy would just take a pointed look at the clock & reply, "Is the big hand on the bottom?  No, it isn't - so it is not TV time yet."  & the kids buy it!  Because the big hand hasn't gotten to a certain place they accept it.  Mommy is not telling them "NO"; she is not the bad guy here.  Everything depends on that big round clock on the wall!  Even a grown-up like Mommy cannot do what she wants until the big hand gets where it needs to be!  (As an aside, forget the digital clock for this - the child needs to be able to see the progression of time.)

Every activity then has a time:  meal time, snack time, nap time, bath time, bed time, & of course, the biggie - TV time (which shows the age of my children.  If I was naming that 'time' these days, I would have called it 'media' time).

TV time in our house on Friday & Saturday nights has been 5:30-(age appropriate bed-time inserted here) for the last 10 years.  Somehow, over the years, the boys have finagled an extra 10 minutes up front (as if the TV had to warm up or something) so it's actually 5:20, but I don't normally tell people that or they get all worked up.  "5:twenty?  Boy, Helen, what are you running with times like that, an airport?"

Actually, this addiction to routine works out well when we visit the french grandparents.  Everything in their little corner of France happens at a certain time.  I haven't been able to ascertain whether that is a national thing - or just my husbands parents - but you suggest, say, having a snack when it is not the time for the eating of snacks (which is 4pm) & you will receive a look as incredulous as if you had suggested that the family remove their clothing & go running naked thru the garden for a change of pace.  (Then again, there may be a certain time for that...)

So, like I said, 10 years later.  My children are 15 & 14, & until recently, never have they complained about the scheduled TV time, which for all they know was written on the same stone tablet as the Ten Commandments & therefore indisputable.  TV time these days is actually XBox & computer time.  Over the years their end time has migrated to 10pm.  Seems reasonable to me (Especially since my husband & I essentially give up the television, out of the kindness of our hearts, during that time period.).  Unfortunately, my children are playing with other children online who seem to be able to play whenever they want.  So, recently, the rumblings of dissension have made their way to my ears.

I consider myself a reasonable woman.  As a mother, if I am anything, I am fair.  I am willing to consider changes, if a child can come up with a good reason why.  & my children are more than willing to work with me - because the alternative is, well, the old TV time!  Or, worse, NO TV time!  Doesn't matter to me...

So the boys & I sat down & renegotiated.  After all, they are growing into men - whether I want to acknowledge it or not.  Time to cut them a little slack.  Time for them to figure out some of their own routines.  Much as I hate to admit it, I can't run their worlds forever.

But I have a feeling that 5:20 will always feature prominently in their memories of childhood.  No matter where they are or what they are doing, if they happen to look up & notice the time, they will know that it's, hey! 5:20 - TV time!  & sometimes they might remember, like I do, two little boys who are oh so patiently waiting for the big hand to reach the bottom...look, Mommy, it's almost there!