Sometimes I find myself feeling depressed - like when it occurs to me that I am not as wonderful as I like to believe. Sometimes my rose-colored glasses are RIPPED away from my eyes, & I am FORCED to acknowledge that I am not perfect after all.
Luckily I know the root of this type of depression. These occasional bouts of low self-esteem can all be attributed to one thing - & that is this: I did not receive countless trophies for doing nothing exceptional during my formative years. Sadly, I was not alone. No one else in my generation received trophies for doing nothing great either. Thank heavens things have changed for the younger generations! (in case you can't tell, now would be a good time for that sarcasm font). These days, all the kids have to do is join a team, ANY team, & ta-da! - you might as well begin dusting off that shelf for a guaranteed trophy!
By the time my oldest son was 8 or 9, he had so many trophies that we were hard pressed to find shelf space for them all. What were these trophies for? For simply being on a soccer team, or being on a baseball team. My son was a smart boy, tho, & as he got older he questioned my disdain for these types of trophies:
"Mom, why don't you like these trophies? Don't you think I did good on the team?"
"Of course, I think you did good. Did you have fun? Did you get better at playing soccer?"
"Yes..."
"So, then, why do you need a trophy?"
"But it shows I did good!"
"Does it?"
"Well, yeah..."
"So," I asked him, "Who was the best player on your team this season?"
"Well," he thought, "I think it was John. He made the most goals, & he came to every practice & every game & he helped teach the kids who were not as good as him. He knew how to pass the ball, too, & didn't hog it all the time."
"Sounds like a great player!" I agreed, "Did he get a special award at the end of the season for being such a good player & teammate?"
"Well, he got a trophy..."
"Like the one you have."
"Right."
"So, then," I went mercilessly on, "Who was the worst player on your team?"
"Oh," my son got disgusted, "That's easy - it was Willie! He hardly ever came to practice on time & he whined & cried if he could not be goalie! Then his mom would take up our practice time by talking to the coach about Willie, Willie, Willie! He always hogged the ball & wouldn't pass! & the only goal he ever made was for the other team!"
"Boy, it sounds like he was pretty hard to take! What did he get at the end of the season?"
"A trophy."
"Like yours?" I smile to see the light begin to dawn in my sons eyes as he realizes,
"Yes, his trophy is just the same as mine."
"So," I hammer it home, "Do you think this trophy shows that you were a 'good' player? Or, maybe, it just shows that you were 'a' player?"
Of course, I never made him get rid of those trophies. I just wanted him to know why I was much more impressed with the Second Place trophy he received from a karate tournament, or the Most Outstanding Math trophy he received in the 3rd grade. A trophy earned, for a change.
But, what if I was wrong in my thinking? & if I WAS wrong, why should only the kids get the trophies? I mean, I think MY self-esteem issues are just as important! I can see it now:
"Hi, honey. How was your day?"
"All right," says my husband, lowering his Hefty Garbage Bag down to the floor with a clunk.
"Boy, what a load you have there! You must have been truly exceptional today!"
"Oh, indeed I was!" says my husband. "First I went to the gas station. I had the tank filled up & received a trophy for being the Most Patient Customer while Waiting for the Gas Tank to be Filled in the Last Half Hour. Then, I headed on to work. I received a trophy at the stop light by the police station for being the First Person to Stop at the Red Light Promptly for Today. Then, when I went thru the security gate at work, the guard pulled me over & awarded me the Friendliest Employee to Enter for the Week, just because I said 'Hello'!"
"Oh, honey!" I gush, "You must be so proud!"
"Boy, I sure am!"
"Well, that is just great, husband! I, too, had a most productive day. I received both the Worst Dressed Shopper AND the First Person to use a Debit Card this Morning Awards at the grocery store!"
"Wow, Helen - that Worst Dressed Shopper - that must make four times this month that you have received that one!"
"Don't I KNOW it! In fact, I THEN received a trophy for just that: The Worst Dressed Shopper for Four Times in One Month trophy!"
"Oh, Helen, that is such great news!"
"But there's more! I went to pay the bills at the Paymaster, where we received the Highest Power Bill for the Month of March Award - I'll have to dig that one out of my Hefty Bag to show you - it has the cutest little Air Conditioner figurine..."
"Excellent! I knew we could get that Highest Power Bill trophy if we kept running the A/C like you want me to. & sure enough - it paid off!"
"You are so right, husband! Don't you feel so, well, so fulfilled right now, knowing that for just going about our usual business we have been honored over & over again?!"
"Well, Helen, it's nothing less than we deserve..."
A little ridiculous, right? But this is what we do to our kids: give them trophies & awards for no reason. Who wins in this sort of scenario?
I'll tell you who - the trophy manufacturers, that's who!!
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